Many psychologists say that a person should love himself. And this is not about egoism or narcissism.
A person should have a positive rather than lowered self-esteem. It is important that he has a sense of his own right.
If at heart he is sure that he is not worthy of a good job or a happy relationship, this is an alarming bell. Any gifts of life should please, but not surprise.
Another sign is the tendency to “cut” oneself for any misconduct, constantly look for mistakes, and not rejoice at their achievements. There are 2 main reasons for the appearance of self-dislike. This is a negative attitude towards the child of parents who themselves feel unhappy and break down at babies. The second reason is the experience of adaptation among people, i.e. relationships with peers in kindergarten, school, as well as interactions with teachers.
The way other people relate to us greatly affects self-esteem. We are all born with complete self-satisfaction.
Remember how a small child behaves. He never judges himself. As he grows up, other people inspire him with a sense of competition, uncertainty and guilt.
It is then that we begin to live according to other people's attitudes and depreciate our opinion, focus on the opinion of others. If you are not lucky and you do not love yourself, it is never too late to start working on yourself, to straighten out what was broken when you were helpless and vulnerable.
10. Do not compare yourself with others
On the one hand, it is possible and necessary to compare ourselves with others, this gives us an impetus for development, motivates us to achieve our goals. But only if all this does not turn into envy.
Often a person cannot even admit to himself that he is jealous. This feeling can be recognized by the indignation, contempt that this or that person evokes.
If you find that you envy someone, you should not be upset. On the contrary, you have realized the problem and can work on it. Think about how much energy you spend on these negative emotions. You can direct it in the right direction.
Did a friend rest on the sea? Think about where you could earn extra money or save money to raise money for your vacation. But do not forget to separate your desires from strangers imposed by relatives or social attitudes.
If, when thinking about this desire, you feel a sense of joy, you are pleased to remember it, make it your goal. And get it step by step.
9. Do not accumulate resentment
All of us at least once were offended by other people. But, if this happened, you should not collect your collection of grievances. It’s better to find out all the relationships right away.
Often people do not want to offend someone deliberately, but they can do it by saying something wrong and joking not very well. If you explain to another person that you are offended, he may ask for forgiveness, and your relationship will strengthen.
But there are also situations when another is specifically bullied and mocked, regularly humiliating and insulting. An adult is not required to tolerate such an attitude towards himself. Learn to defend yourself, but just don’t stoop to primitive abuse or fights.
If this does not help, you must part with the offender. But after that you need to forgive him wholeheartedly.
How to do it? First you need to survive all those negative emotions that you experience, but before that smooth out. They need to splash out: break the old dishes, tear paper or old rags. And then, when you calm down, try to realize that there are no good or bad people, we all show different traits of our character.
Think about why he could do this, become his lawyer. And after that - sorry, i.e. do not return to bad thoughts about him, do not desire and do him no harm.
8. Do not whine and do not slacken
When something bad happened, a person can be upset and worried. This is natural, and no one will blame you for it. But if you are captured by self-pity, you will become unbearable for others. And, as a result, they will avoid you, and your self-esteem will fall.
How to recognize this? If you are constantly looking for other people's attention, call them and start complaining about problems, your main topics of conversation are failures in your personal life, at work, etc., it is worth considering.
How to deal with this feeling? Stop constantly repeating that you are alone and unhappy, and you can deal with any problem.
7. Learn to accept yourself
Sometimes it’s hard for us to love ourselves, because we feel guilty, resentful, and turning it off is not so simple. To deal with this problem, think of yourself as a child.
Everyone loves children, they are too charming and spontaneous. Find photos where you are no more than 5 years old, imagine this defenseless, bewildered girl or boy.
Try to sincerely love yourself, and you will surely succeed. Over time, you can saturate with love and older versions of yourself.
6. Do not torment yourself with accusations
How often do you start blaming yourself, humiliating and punishing? If this happens all the time, you need to stop. So you do not correct your mistakes, but you can lose health, ruin the mood for yourself and others, complicate your life.
As soon as you begin to scold yourself, immediately stop. But if guilt is not far-fetched, it needs to be dealt with.
Offended someone? Do your best to make amends for your action, and to start, call the person and apologize.
If you are not sure that your interlocutor is offended, ask him about it. Mistakes made in the past are best forgotten. You cannot torture yourself so much time, you have already punished yourself enough.
5. Do not tolerate what you do not like
Very often, we endure an unloved job, put up with circumstances, because of which we constantly feel miserable. There are situations when a person really can’t change anything, for example, he ended up in prison.
But most often there is an alternative, and it is up to us to decide whether to change something or not. I do not like school - transfer the child to another, the job does not suit - find another.
Remember that you, like hundreds of other people, always have a choice.
4. Stop apologizing
If a person does not notice that hurts the feelings of others, on the contrary, he needs to learn to ask for forgiveness. But there is such a type of people who apologize for almost everything: for the words spoken by them, for their clumsiness, for the fact that the other person has the opposite opinion, etc.
If you have not done harm to anyone, do not apologize, as that way you belittle yourself.
3. Gain self-sufficiency
If a person is independent from others, is not afraid of loneliness, can provide himself with everything necessary, he is self-sufficient. He does not seek approval from other people for his actions and views, but he is always ready to take responsibility.
To become a self-sufficient person, learn to support yourself, take care of yourself, get used to make all decisions yourself.
2. Develop yourself
Constantly work on yourself. It’s hard to love yourself if you don’t know anything and don’t know how. Because of this, you may encounter new problems.
Develop, improve the quality of your life, and you can be proud of your achievements.
1. Listen to how you feel
It is important to know what a person is experiencing. Feelings is a marker that shows what he wants at the moment. You can not pay attention to them, but then do not be surprised if life becomes torture: every day, unloved work, a hateful husband or wife is waiting at home, again, duties that infuriate.
By listening to our feelings, we can choose the direction for our actions, and already they can change our life.